September 2020 Funny Stories

I was visiting my 98-year-old brother in the nursing home when an aide walked by and said, “Hello, mister.” My brother asked if she called him “stupid” and I told him she said “mister.” He then whispered, “Oh, I was afraid they found out!”
Terry Wallace, Springfield

My birthday is 9/11, so my sons always try to make it extra special.
Their dad took both boys shopping and my 10-year-old knew exactly what he wanted. They went to Zales, bought it and then took me out for dinner. Our 5-year-old was so excited about the present that he couldn’t wait any longer. At the end of dinner he blurted out, “We got you a necklace, Mommy!”

His older brother was quite indignant and chastised, “No! It’s a surprise — you’re not supposed to tell!” Then, trying to figure out how to recover the situation, my elder son looked at me and smirked, “But you don’t know how many pictures it holds!”
Val Crockett, Pagosa Springs

I had just planted a brand-new lavender plant in my large backyard
only to discover the following morning that my dog, a large hound, had scraped at the earth around it and deposited, with great precision, a single, very large poop precisely on top of it. When I rang my daughter and told her, she said, “Oh, he was just trying to make ‘poo’ pourri!”
Susan H. Merl, Pueblo West